Only Raining On Me
by Valli
Summary: A Jeff Hardy 'farewell'. Jeff's thoughts and rants about leaving the company to pursue other things.


Disclaimer: I do not own the WWE, I actually don't think I'd want to right about now.  I do not own Jeff Hardy, he owns himself.

Author's Note: I don't claim to know why the events involving the WWE and Jeff Hardy happened, but, from what I understand, it was a mutual agreement.  If you choose to believe otherwise, then that is up to you.  This is just what I've heard and how I see it. 

To me, Jeff Hardy was a great wrestler, but first he was a great man.  He'll be missed by many, I'm sure.  But, we should all try to support him in his future plans, even if they don't involve wrestling.  I know I will.

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                A huge rain cloud seemed to be forming over my head.  It was black and gray and spiraling all around itself in circles.  I hadn't heard that it would be raining at all this morning; in fact I had heard it was supposed to be a somewhat beautiful day all around the area.  But, as I looked up, I saw that this cloud seemed to be following me alone.  That's when I knew that the decision I made would make it only rain down on me.

                I understood that my choice had been mine and mine alone, although I suddenly realized that it would probably have an affect, negative or positive, on thousands of people around the world.  They didn't know me, they didn't know the real Jeff Hardy, but they cared.  They cared enough to stand in the pouring rain to meet me, and to spend their own money to buy tickets to see me.  And I only cared enough to do what I wanted to do.  It would only be raining on me.

                Once I received those papers, the ones that I had been waiting for to come to me for a little over six months, I was quick to jump at the opportunity to sign them right away.  I was the one who wanted this.  I didn't want to continue wrestling, right? I wanted to pursue my other interests.  But that didn't mean I didn't love wrestling.  I might not enjoy the business, but I would always love the feeling I got every time I heard someone, hidden within the crowd, stand up and cheer me on.  It was what I wanted, but it suddenly came to me that all of the fans' emotions would suddenly be only raining on me.

                I'm sure they wondered if I was fired against my will.  Not exactly.  Maybe they thought I just walked away from it all.  Not entirely.  In fact, it was nearly a mutual agreement that I leave the company.  They supported me, and I supported them in most ways possible.  They wanted me to stay on to grab the teenage viewers' attention, but I'm not entirely sure if I was capable of doing that to the best of my ability anymore.  If I could, I would have tried to work harder before it began to start only raining on me.

                A few months before they decided to let me have my way and allow me to move on and experiment with new things, anything they could slap my name on they did.  Shirts, posters, visors, necklaces, everything.  Hell, they even let Matt and I publish our own book.  All that fucking shit sold like hotcakes, and that was pretty unbelievable to me.  Now I know that, sooner or later, all of that will come down and it will be only raining on me.         

                Some people don't understand why I walked away.  Although, I really didn't just get up and decide to leave on the spur of the moment one day.  No, it was actually kind of planned on my behalf.  I knew that I was wearing out, and I knew I was wearing out fast.  Faster than I thought possible.  My energy, passion, and eagerness to please would only be raining on me now.

                For years I did what I only thought I could dream of doing, I wrestled in front of thousands of people in the arena and millions watching at home.  I performed in front of my father, and worked with my brother.  I thought I was the best of the best.  Skip cloud nine, I was already on cloud ten by the time Matt and I were the tag team champions for the second time.  But now all that is only raining on me.

                I never really had a passion for the business like Matt, who lives, breathes, and sleeps wrestling.  I wanted to be a wrestler and I wanted to be the best, don't get me wrong about that.  But, one person can only do a move so many times before it takes its toll, whether it be that it bores the fans or you punish your body whenever you land it.  True, I had many moves mastered under my belt, but if I performed those over and over my entire body would suffer.  I couldn't just think about that and sit back and fully understand what I was putting myself through every Monday night.  My regrets are all only raining on me.

                In the locker room, no one ever could understand me.  Sure, they'd come over and talk to me while I sat on my little corner of the bench, but it's not like they wanted to start a real conversation with me.  It was always light back there, humorous even.  No one gave a damn about your personal life or any other activities you had going for you.  No, they cared about wrestling.  Yeah, they'd take good care of you in the ring, and out of the ring they might treat you fairly, but most of the time some of the guys would point at my colored hair and painted arms.  And, because I left, all of that will only be raining on me.

                I get that people are upset, and I know that they must be mad at someone.  But, they can't just go crying around about how the WWE fired Jeff Hardy.  That's not entirely true.  Yes, I left.  But people out there shouldn't put it all on their shoulders.  We had a mutual parting.  I signed the papers that they typed up, but those papers were the ones that I had asked for.  I couldn't just continue the way the people expected me too, and the WWE realized that after I did.  But now, well, everything's only raining on me.


End file.
